Friday, October 1, 2010
Age Of Autism Slaps Me In The Face
In a recent Age of Autism post, Kim Stagliano encourages all autistic parents to have sex. I'd do that too, if I wasn't autistic. The fact that a website dedicated to helping autistic people would flaunt something like that in my face is truly appalling. Instead of advertising chelation so autistic people can actually get laid, they just brag about how normal they are, which is disgusting. I need help, desperately, so I can get laid and be a normal person once again. Autistic people can't have sex, but normal people can, and they shouldn't brag about it in front of us. They should instead focus on turning us autistic people into normal people so we can have sex, and the only way to do that is chelation.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
59 comments:
I got laid last night at U of M, Oliver...twice. Go Blue!!! So much for Autistic people not being able to get laid.
Yes, I have a car, and since I'm commuting this year, I spend my weekends at campuses that have night lives.
I think you need to retract that statement, or at least modify it to fit proven reality, about how people with Autism can't get laid.
By the way I normally don't womanize, even though I have the ability, it just doesn't interest me, because sex is overrated. But I had broke up with my girlfriend last week so I felt the need to reclaim my balls because telling my cunt ex-girlfriend to go screw herself didn't do it enough. So I porked two girls in one night.
It's just not true that those on the spectrum can't have sex. Yes the opportunities are fewer, but ideally one would be enough. The real trouble is keeping the relationship alive, and to be dumped after being intimate hurts the worst. I know.
I didn't have a three-way, I fucked two girls in the same night. I fucked one, and then a few hours later I got another.
"Autistic people can't have sex, but normal people can, and they shouldn't brag about it in front of us."
That doesn't say vast majority can't get laid, that statement says none can. Which is why I used the word modify.
Otter from Animal House couldn't get laid before honing in on his skills. The same goes for everybody else.
Oh and btw, another thing that tears apart your little theory is I've screwed more women than all but one of my closet neurotypical friends. So there are about 9-12 people who are neurotypical that aren't as successful than someone on the Spectrum.
I didn't say they were virgins, I said they have fucked less girls than me, and that is because I worked hard and am now better with women than they are. They don't have any behaviors that are undiagnosed, you are just wrong!
The solution to being socially inept, is learning to be socially adept. So what does that mean you gotta do?
"Aspergian people cannot learn good social skills cause they are diseased, and thus need to be cured."
Am I not an Aspergian person?? Are all the other Aspergerian people who have learned good social skills not Aspergian people??
"You can't just learn not to be autistic"
Why must we learn not to be Autistic?? I don't hide my Autistic traits, nobody who does well hides them. We use them in a way that will help us socially, and other times we work on meeting others halfway. If I have to put up with their neurotypical conventions of ettiquette then they have to put up with a degree of my Aspieness, it is only fair to take what I'm entitled. And trust me, nobody is offended by me demanding my human dignity. People respect me more because I'm not afraid of looking stupid or off, and granted there are times when I slip up socially, but they admire how I don't let it get me down, how I move on and generally fix things that I accidentally screw up.
You're wrong, there is plenty of documentation to prove it if you stop being your own grand old pity party.
Also, I don't want to committ any social faux pas. That would make me feel better about who I am.
I simply have to address this here. EVERYONE commits social faux pas's in their life! Autistic, NT - no exceptions. It's called being human!! If you think a cure will lead to a perfect social life with a click of the fingers you are so incredibly wrong it's unreal!!
Sheesh! Needed to be said.
"Just ask Jonathan Mitchell."
He could do it too, he's just a whiner by choice.
"Also, I don't want to committ any social faux pas."
Everybody commits faux pas first of all, second of all the trick isn't to not commit them, but to play them off after commiting them.
The only faux pas that ever cause me problems socially are when I don't notice them and keep committing them because then I look weird or off, or whatever the Hell they think I look in those situations. Situations that are less and less frequent the more I get out there.
If you notice your faux pas and respond appropriately to them, then it doesn't cause you any problems, people see it as a "a typical brain-fart" you would seem weird to people if you keep having the same brain-fart.
Are you Jonathan?? If the answer is no, then why do you give a shit?
While it may be noble the action of yours give a rat's ass about the sorry little bastard known as Mitchell, the motives are not noble, the motives are so you can be able to piss and moan and ignore reality.
There are plenty that are more nNoble than that.
"Also, it is very noble of me to stand up for a worthy cause."
Yes, it's as worthy of a cause as dressing up like a ghost, and burning a lowercase t on a black man's lawn.
Ointment.
"You can go on just saying "ointment" as if it has some bizarre hidden meaning to you, but to the rest of us it means nothing."
It means nothing to me too son, that's the point of Ointment
"Then don't just randomly say it if it means nothing. Although, that was kinda the case with laundry informed too, but that's beside the point."
Do you realize how stupid and incoherent you sound when you say things like that? That's like saying "One should never dabble in witch craft, I did it once and it was fun, but that's irrelevant"
The reason I do it is because I enjoy mindfucking people, that and I like standing out. And people see Ointment as very intellectual, funny, and unique, why shouldn't they? That is what it is.
If you are dismayed with some of the views AoA espouses, why don't you make a contribution to AoA about some of your personal experiences, Oliver? I'm sure the readership would love to hear about the autistic perspective from someone other than myself for a change, as evidenced by their reaction to Jonathan Mitchell's LA Mag article. If you send me a 1000-word draft, I will happily look it over for you and pass it along to the editors for review.
"I'm just the fly in the Ointment Hans, the monkey in the wrench, the pain in the ass." - Detective John McClane.
Damn man you gotta know your action movies.
John McClane from Die Hard played by Bruce Willis.
"because Jason Segel shows his dick in it."
"he specifically told me that there were no special effects and his dick really is that big."
"Well... Freud was right." - Agent Paul Smecker, FBI (The Boondock Saints)
Ever hear of a concept known as the Freudian Slip?
"my favorite movie is Forgetting Sarah Marshall, because Jason Segel shows his dick in it."
So that statement is false?
Great! Send the article my way when you're done writing it, Oliver. Just be wary of the fact that it can be no longer than 1000 words.
I highly doubt he took your word for it anymore than I am.
"According to her, wearing mumber 63 means you're a bastard."
I never said that. I was playing around a little, and saying that the person with 63 on his license plate must get a lot of tickets, because the number 63 is a bastard. But I don't have anything against innocent people who have the number 63 on their shirts. That would be taking it too far, as if I were schizophrenic.
Yes, I am quite random in the head. I don't walk around annoying people with it. I still look for appropriate times to bring it out, and people laugh WITH me. People know that my randomness is an element to my creativity.
"Need you not worry, because I am strait as an arrow."
By straight as an arrow do you mean you're as straight as the shaft of the arrow or you're straight as the sides of the arrow head?
Also need I not worry? I have no reason to worry either way.
"I don't care if you putt from the rough." - Will Hunting.
Why do you think that scene in Forgetting Sarah Marshall is funny? I saw the movie, I liked it because it was hilarious, with the exception of that scene. Personally I don't find a man's penis funny because I believe the extent of dick-humor's allure is verbal or an abstract visual. Not just a extreme close-up of the real thing, there's no humor to that in my opinion. Because there is no creativity involved, humor is supposed to be creative in my book.
Can you tell me why you found that scene so hilarious?
Then why do you like it?
Btw there is nothing more masculine than dick-humor. If one has a giant dick then why shouldn't he talk about it?
I'm hung like a mouse...
... a mouse the size of a horse, that is.
Yes, I know that license plates are seven digits. But anywhere within, the two digits 63 can appear anywhere. L63458B
I have synesthesia too, and both it and autism are responsible for my number fascination. In fact, I learned about it when I read Tammet's book.
This sounds very silly, but the original 42 was a dog that befriended the tabises like an ally, even though her family (which included the bastard 63) hated them. So 42 is a traitor, but for a good reason. Then my friend wanted that number, so I let her have it. She is certainly not a traitor, though.
But still you claim to be a straight shooting son of a gun.
What song was I quoting?
@Oliver:
Yes, send it to that address. I'll go over it and keep you up to speed on any changes I might have made, and give you any suggestions on how you could improve the draft. After it's finalized and we decide it's ready to run, I'll then pass it along to Dan, Mark and Kim. Look forward to reading whatever you decide to send my way.
Hey, Ollie, just stopped by for a few chuckles. Also, I'm wondering why, if you can't bother to go to the store for it, you don't ask your folks to stop by a drug store and get you some ALA? You need to put your theory to the test, man.
Also, why not post a pic of yourself sometime? It's possible that (if you're as dog-ugly as Mitchell), then all of your efforts of curing yourself will be utterly useless even if they work! Really, autism isn't Jonboy's biggest problem. ;-)
haha Oliver, you still remember my radio show from so many years ago. Actually I guess Studio 360 airs it once in a while.
You'd have to take a picture of the bottle with a Pharmacist holding it up, for it to be the least bit credible.
"I think if it's on the shelves at CVS that'd be credible enough."
So I'm supposed to take your for it that you didn't take a label and put it on the bottle?
If a pharmacy is selling it, I don't see why you couldn't get the pharmacist at the desk at the place you are purchasing it to take a picture holding it. That doesn't seem to make sense on your part.
Sorry, I don't do Facebook (heard too many bad things about them), so that wouldn't help me.
I've seen 3 different pictures of Jonboy now, 2 from his site, and 1 from the LA article, and trust me, the guy is as ugly as a bulldog's butt! His only chance is to find someone even uglier. (Shouldn't be too hard, at his age.)
Good luck with the ALA!
Oliver, that's a nice fantasy about me and Meghan. I think she will be shocked that she has been promised to a man her dad's age.
Also, you can get bar mitzvahed at any age. 13 is just the minimum age. You don't have to be ethnically Jewish either. I think Sammy Davis Junior got bar mitzvahed when he was in his 40s.
You know you're Jewish when you have a Bar Mitzvah only for the money.
"I don't see any good reason why one should go through a religious ceremony just for the cash."
Are you sure you are Jewish??
Does your dad know any good black jokes?
"Need you not worry, because I am strait as an arrow."
That is so cliche. "Straight as a ruler" is a better simile.
Since it doesn't matter, then can one say you are as straight as the McDonald's arches?
So are you calling 80 year old men gay, because they can't make their penis straight?
So is their penis when not on viagra gay, because that isn't straight?
My favorite picture of Mitchell!
http://www.heylookanimals.com/2009/04/dogs-butt-wearing-sunglasses-photo.html
Really a remarkable likeness.
I'm nice to him sometimes, just the other day, I reminded him that he hadn't blogged for more than two weeks, and encouraged him to come up with some new to whine about. I even pointed out that Ari had been interviewed on CNN last weekend. Gotta be something there for him to rebut or be "baffled" about.
And I think that picture is pretty close, especially in the nose and mouth. Jonboy probably has better hair, though. ;-)
Believe it or not, I didn't even know Jonboy was Jewish until just recently, like in the past month.
Lots of people have bulbous noses, so my comment about the dog's tail resembling his nose was not at all anti-Semitic.
And it was nothing like when you repeated the N word over and over when you were mad at somebody. Have you deleted that post or comment yet?
I looked for Ari's segment on cnn.com the day it was on, and the day after. I didn't see it there. You could look on Youtube, I dunno.
"How could you not have known that Jonathan was Jewish?"
I dunno, I've read his blog, many of his stories, I don't remember him ever saying that, and I didn't "suspect" it, 'cause it really doesn't matter to me what someone's religion is.
The first I knew it was when you said so, in a comment on this post, dated 3 October. It's not something I would "use against him", and it doesn't change my mind about him any. He's still a whiner and a weenie.
"You can easily tell if someone is Jewish or not just by looking at them. "
Now, that is a bigoted statement. And it simply isn't true, because not all Jewish people will have the features often associated with them. Why do you suppose the Nazis investigated people's ancestry back to their great-grandparents? There were many "German" families who had Jewish ancestors in them.
Why, in this country, you can't always tell if someone is black, because there has been a lot of mixing going on, (which I consider a Good Thing).
Thinking back, I think I've sometimes referred to Mitchell as a "nebbish" and a "putz", but he would be those even if he were a Baptist or a Catholic. ;-)
I would think that your just admitting that you had made it up about Jonboy and Meghan should suffice, and no law suit should be necessary. If he does sue, tell him you'll be bringing up the fact that the discussion started in the first place by you wanting to help him "lose his virginity at age 55". Probably not something he would want to discuss in court.
If it does go to court, let me know, I'd want to be there! I could use a few chuckles.
"Clay, you can very easily tell if a person is Jewish, just like you can tell if they're Italian or Lebanese. I must admit, though, that I don't look Jewish at all."
Do you see why nobody respects you intellectually? The first sentence you make a very strong, bold statement, that is an absolute, and also extremely innaccurate. And then the second sentence you completely refute that first sentence without even realizing it, like it's nothing.
You're saying everybody whose Jewish looks Jewish, but then again you don't look very Jewish but that's just a minor detail.
By the way, I tell someone's Jewish by their personality, not by their appearance. Because with how unique and fucking awesome our culture is, only Jews have Jewiness.
"First of all, I never said all Jewish people look Jewish."
You damn well implied it and you damn well meant it, considering when you talked about your difference from other Jews, you were talking about your appearrance.
I am indeed a rare exception, but I gave a detailed explanation as to why, and I wouldn't say I just dusted it off.
You act like you're the only Jew who is a full-blooded Jew. I guarantee Jews have the highest percentage of half-bloods than any other ethnicity, so really you did tear apart your whole point while at the same time making it.
"Therefore, I am one of the few religious/cultural Jews who does not have the stereotypical look."
This is completely innacurate. I was in AZA a Jewish organization for high school Jews. There was a fairly large handful of the 400 members in Michigan Region AZA that didn't look Jewish. One guy right off the bat in Jolson (my chapter, Kitaldo, he doesn't look at all Jewish, he looks Latino. He's actually black, Italian, and Jewish. He is a cultural Jew. And there's a good supply of other people I could recall that prove your theory wrong if I take the time.
Just admit that you're talking through your teeth, and that you have no data to your false argument (a pointless one that doesn't really matter at that) so that I can stop embarrassing you, at least on this topic, and so that I can then go on and jerk-off to some pictures of Christine O'Donnell from the 90s. Damn, I know she's got some nice tits under her blouse. My sixth sense has never lied to me before, and it's also telling me that she is a screamer.
"most Jewish people look Jewish."
It doesn't matter if you didn't say a 100% and that you said most. That wasn't what was wrong. It was your usage of the word "few" to describe the amount of Jewish people who do not look Jewish. Few has a connotation different than "less than majority" it has a meaning of "an extremely small amount that is very minuscule from the norm," and that is what is inaccurate because the amount of Jews that don't fit into the common ethnic appearance is more than minuscule. Example, I look very Jewish overall, I have a Jewish nose, Jewish hair, a small amount of chest hair at the very top of torso, but a shit-ton of hair everywhere beneath it, very Jewish. But the one exception, I have my head buzzed like an action movie star. And it looks amazing. But, how many Jews can you think of have the right head for that look? Not too many. And I'm a full-blooded Jew.
"Your interracial friend was certainly not ethnically Jewish (at least all the way), and that is the determining factor into whether or not someone "looks Jewish.""
So what? If a man who is Jewish can have attributes that aren't Jewish like myself, then if I have kids with someone who isn't Jewish like a decent supply of Jews are not 100% Jewish then your theory of how few the amount of Jews who don't look Jewish pretty much falls apart.
Side note, I think I may end up with a Swedish chick, so that I can have the most Aryan-looking Jewish kids in history, just for another kick in the World's nuts. It'll be fucking hilarious.
I'm not talking from a religious standpoint but from a geneaological standpoint when it comes to the Swedish thing.
Post a Comment