Sunday, August 19, 2012

15 Years Ago Today

It's hard to believe it's been that long since I've been using the toilet. Of course, it should've been much longer, but due to my debilitating autism, I was not toilet-trained until the age of 5, long after anyone should've been. At the age of 5, I figured I'd just be in diapers for life (or "Pull-Ups," as I would call them). This was similar to how at the age of 19, I figured I'd be a virgin for life. I lost that, and it's a good thing I did because if I hadn't I would've committed suicide at the end of 2011. But back to the original point, I was not toilet-trained until the age of 5, due to my mercury-induced autism. Dr. Wakefield proved that autistic people have bowel disease, which makes them unable to toilet-train. He is now being censored by Big Pharma. When I was 5 and not yet potty-trained, I saw a gastroenterologist named Dr. Cynamon (yes, that was really his name), who said that I had no physiological issues, and stated the typical Big Pharma line that autism was neurological, which means he must've been bought out. I used to jump up and down on the bed saying his name all the time, not because I had a preference about him, but because I found it funny that his name was something you put on toast. Although I went to a general-ed preschool, my teachers still found me an enigma and were relieved when I graduated in 1997. The duty to potty-train me fell solely upon them, as my new elementary school would not have accepted me had I still been in diapers. (Ironically, they would expel me 5 years later, for a violent incident involving a knife.) I was forcibly potty-trained, which was the right thing to do, but was still traumatizing nonetheless. Keep in mind that this was less than a year before the Sparky incident, in which I unknowingly rooted for the visiting team and caused myself a great embarrassment. Now imagine if I rooted for the Giants at Dodger Stadium. Uh, yeah. Just ask Bryan Stow. That whole era was a terrible time in my life, and my life still sucks now, despite the fact that I am no longer a virgin. Had I been cured of autism when I was 2 like Jenny McCarthy's son was, I would've had a normal, happy childhood and none of that shit would've ever happened.