Text Messages From Aspie Al

A couple of hours ago, right before I left to go out to dinner in this freezing cold town of Albany, New York (from which I will return tomorrow), I received several blatant text messages from Aspie Al insinuating that I was homosexual. I tried to convince him otherwise, but to no avail. Please note that none of this is true and I am 100% heterosexual, despite being a virgin. We came up with a proposal that we would have a trial to determine my sexual orientation, and with my grampaw being the judge I'd win for sure. Aspie Al, however, wants the judge to be one of our former teachers at VGW to make things fair. I don't know why Aspie Al lashed out at me like this, but he said it was because his girlfriend has good gaydar and can sniff out a gay person from a mile away. Well, apparently her gaydar is off, because I am as strait as can be. Also, when we went to the dog park a couple of weeks ago, her gay friend was there, and he apparently also believes me to be gay. I thought gay people also had good gaydar, but maybe it is just wishful thinking, because I am strait and I only like women. So in a nutshell, I am strait and just because Aspie Al said I was gay doesn't necessarily make it true. When we were both at VGW, I had a rule that "what Al says goes," but I could always overrule him in extreme circumstances, and this is one of those.