15 Years Ago Today

It's hard to believe it's been that long since I've been using the toilet. Of course, it should've been much longer, but due to my debilitating autism, I was not toilet-trained until the age of 5, long after anyone should've been. At the age of 5, I figured I'd just be in diapers for life (or "Pull-Ups," as I would call them). This was similar to how at the age of 19, I figured I'd be a virgin for life. I lost that, and it's a good thing I did because if I hadn't I would've committed suicide at the end of 2011. But back to the original point, I was not toilet-trained until the age of 5, due to my mercury-induced autism. Dr. Wakefield proved that autistic people have bowel disease, which makes them unable to toilet-train. He is now being censored by Big Pharma. When I was 5 and not yet potty-trained, I saw a gastroenterologist named Dr. Cynamon (yes, that was really his name), who said that I had no physiological issues, and stated the typical Big Pharma line that autism was neurological, which means he must've been bought out. I used to jump up and down on the bed saying his name all the time, not because I had a preference about him, but because I found it funny that his name was something you put on toast. Although I went to a general-ed preschool, my teachers still found me an enigma and were relieved when I graduated in 1997. The duty to potty-train me fell solely upon them, as my new elementary school would not have accepted me had I still been in diapers. (Ironically, they would expel me 5 years later, for a violent incident involving a knife.) I was forcibly potty-trained, which was the right thing to do, but was still traumatizing nonetheless. Keep in mind that this was less than a year before the Sparky incident, in which I unknowingly rooted for the visiting team and caused myself a great embarrassment. Now imagine if I rooted for the Giants at Dodger Stadium. Uh, yeah. Just ask Bryan Stow. That whole era was a terrible time in my life, and my life still sucks now, despite the fact that I am no longer a virgin. Had I been cured of autism when I was 2 like Jenny McCarthy's son was, I would've had a normal, happy childhood and none of that shit would've ever happened.