When You Hyperventilate, You Need An EKG

When I was 12 and 13 years old and attending VGW, this was a routine I would engage in quite frequently. I would begin hyperventilating (fake, of course), and tell my teacher, Mr. Rubenstein, that I needed an EKG. Then, after he'd refuse, I'd run down to the nurse's office, knock on her door, and say "Nurse, I'm hyperventilating. I need an EKG." She'd respond by saying, in her Guyanian accent: "You don't need an EKG when you hyperventilate. You just need a paper bag," and would proceed to slam the door in my face. Then, after returning to my classroom, I would pass out due to lack of an EKG, and demand CPR. I would only accept CPR from Meghan, the hottest girl at VGW of whom I later got to touch her on her boobs. After the lack of CPR, I would die, only to miraculously wake up and be fine two seconds later. I even had made up this whole backup story about why I needed an EKG when I hyperventilate. There was another false story about me being diagnosed as a retard, but we can save a detailed explanation of the two stories for another post. Anyway, while I am aware this is autistic behavior (i.e. not normal), I believe it is more than just dramatic play, which autistic people tend to engage in. I believe it has some kind of sexual derivation, perhaps even a fetishistic one. And it's tied primarily to EKGs. When I was 11 years old, I had an experience at the EKG doctor's office that led me to get a sexual fetish for EKGs. It wasn't until I was 14 that I decided that I wanted to have sex with another person, but by then my EKG fetish was too far gone. I believe that's to an extent what alienated me from getting laid, and I'm 18 years old and not getting any younger, was deriving sexual pleasure from something as offbeat as an EKG. I mean, it's kind of subsided to the point where now my primary desire is to have sex with a person, but I can still have orgasm just thinking about an EKG. I'd long thought it was my Asperger's that alienated me from getting laid at 18, but now I'm thinking it might be my EKG fetish. The fetish may be a byproduct of my Asperger's syndrome, but I doubt it. There's nothing in the DSM regarding a sexual fetish. I'd like some feedback. Is it my Asperger's syndrome that turns girls off of me, or should I focus more on getting laid and not having orgasm from an EKG? Or, is it neither and I'm just a lazy sonofabitch who could get laid if he really tried? I'm sorry if I offended any of you, and I look forward to your comments.

Bruce Springsteen—Born to Run—Live in Los Angeles 2007-10-29

This is footage from a Bruce Springsteen concert I was at a few years back. You can see him pointing to me right at the end of the song. He did that because he loves autistic people, which is why he performed for Autism Speaks. That's also why he turns the lites on instead of off for Born to Run, but he didn't realize that I wans't too impacted and I actually prefer the lites off.

I Rode The Bus With A Convicted Terrorist

Well, in LA you never know who you'll run into, but never in a million years did I expect to ride the bus with a convicted terrorist. Nonetheless, I did just that today. His name is Dr. Russell Welch and he has a Ph.D. in physics from UCLA. He was on his way to his parole hearing and had just got out of the County Jail for 9 days. The feds dropped a domestic terrorism charge against him, otherwise he'd have gone to jail for 20 years. That is still a violation, however, and he was forced to show up at the parole office for a sentencing hearing. I let him use my phone to call and say he was gonna be late, but the parole officer hung up on him. He believes in the New World Order and aliens and 2012 and all that bullshit. I told him I believed every word he said. He was fired from professing for being a terrorist. His Lebanese buddy is a pimp in a local motel. He is a convert to Islam and attends mosque regularly. I even shook his hand and told him my name. He seemed like a rather nice man, although he admitted to being a terrorist right up front. When he was talking on my phone, this girl across the aisle from me was laughing hysterically at him, because he was insane. I was laughing too, but I tried to curb it around him. When we all got off the bus, I got on one bus but he and other strangers got on another bus and I'm sure he annoyed them with his terrorist story. That is a life moment through the eyes of an autistic person.

Una Carta En Espanol

Yo tengo miedo de pollos. Pollos son muy feos, y a mi no me gustan los pollos. Yo puedo comer pollos, pero cuando los pollos estan viviendo, yo tengo miedo. En Massachusetts, hay un lugar que se llama Plimoth Plantation. En Plimoth Plantation, hay muchos pollos. Yo tengo mucho miedo de Plimoth Plantation, porque hay muchos pollos alli.

Yo tengo miedo de centros comerciales. Puedes morir en un centro comercial. En el tercer piso, puedes caer y morir. En ingles, se llama "acrophobia." Unos centros comerciales son Westside Pavilion, Fox Hills, Century City, Santa Monica Place, y Beverly Center. Yo tengo miedo de todos los centros comerciales en el mundo. Si hay un piso solamente, yo tengo miedo tambien. Yo tengo mucho, mucho miedo de centros comerciales.


Y yo tengo miedo de personas normales, porque no tienen el autismo como yo. El autismo es muy malo, y personas normales son mejores que yo. En Village Glen West, no hay ningunas personas normales, porque todos los estudianted tienen el autismo. Pero, en University High School, hay muchas, muchas personas normales. Todos los estudiantes son normales. Es muy malo, porque personas normales no entienden el autismo. Necesitas ser normal en University High School, porque es una escuela normal. Yo no soy normal, y no puedo ir a escuela normal. No puedo ir a escuela tampoco, porque yo tengo el autismo. Yo tengo miedo de personas normales, son mejores que yo, y yo debo morir.

The Great Impersonator

Well, I wanted to avoid blogging about this, but now I have no choice. There is a dumbfuck out there who has impersonated Joeker, Phil Gluyas, and lo and behold, he has now impersonated me. Impersonating Joeker and Phil is one thing, but when you impersonate me, that's another story. This dumbfuck obviously wants attention, and is in for a heap of lawsuits. Let's see, he's impersonated an Australian, a Canadian, and an American; that's three different jurisdictions! Looks like years of legal battles. If anyone knows who this person is or where he lives, please help us out, so we all can sue him. For the record, anyone who comments as "Oliver M Canby" and has a blank Blogger profile is not me. It is this dumbfuck who is impersonating me. God only knows who he'll impersonate next.

It Is Our Duty

Lately, there has been a lot of back and forth garb about whether it is our duty to comform to society or whether it is society's duty to conform to us. Let me tell you: it is our duty. We were born as autistics, naturally inferior to normals. We can't help it, but this is how we are. This is not going to change by us whining and bitching to society about how they cause all our problems, because they don't. Autism causes all of our problems, and it must be cured. We are defective and we are broken. We are just humble citizens, basking in the glory of normal people, and we must be nice to them. We must respect our superiors a great deal. There are ways to make this worthwhile, and there are also ways just to be miserable about it and blame society. That is counterproductive, and not the way to go. The absolute best way to fix our autism is a cure, because not only does that make us conform it does so in a way in which we feel good about it. Should a cure not be available, medication such as anti-depressants may slightly lessen the burden and make us feel a little better about acting normal. I've experienced this personally, and let me tell you it is not easy to act good around normal people. It is emotionally draining, and it is why I left high school semester early. I wish I'd just been on more drugs, so it could've felt at least a little better. However, I know not to blame other people for this, and that the problem is in me. If I choose to act autistic in public, that will not pay dividends, as it will give a bad rep socially. Also, if I tell people I'm autistic and that they have to deal with my socially aberrant behavior, that's not good social skills either, as you're essentially being a self-righteous jackass who doesn't care for others. Say you're on a train, riding through the Australian countryside. You ask the conductor if you can sleep on the floor, and he says no, because it is against company policy. This goes for everyone, not just autistic people. However, since you are an "Aspie," you believe you deserve special treatment, because you are "special." You then decide to throw a hissy fit and get thrown off the train by the conductor. Later, you decide to sue the railway company, end up bankrupting yourself because of it, and end up on the dole and suing people just to steal their money. Ta boot, the CMO declared you "medically unfit for work," sentencing you to a life on the dole. That does not seem like a good life to me. Here's another example. Say I'm in public and see a really hot girl, and I want to have sex with her. That's normal, right? I mean, men think that all the time. However, there are societal rules and norms that go along with that feeling. But let's say that because I'm an "Aspie," I decide to disregard those rules. I just rape the girl right then and there on the spot. Now, I could complain to Judge Canby or Judge Pregerson that I am an "Aspie" and therefore shouldn't have to follow society's rules, but even they, despite knowing me, wouldn't buy that argument. No right thinking judge would. Not even Judge Walker. Rape is a very serious crime in California, so I'd be given a 20 to life sentence. Also, if the victim was under 18, that'd be another 20 years tacked onto my sentence, meaning I'd be almost 60 before I'd even be eligible for parole. Also, my photo would be on meganslaw.com, for all my neighbors to see. Both of the examples I have given show how ridiculous the "neurodiversity" philosophy is. People can't just do anything, regardless of their autism, because it would put others in danger. When I was at Village Glen West, I was in a world of my own being so superior to everyone else. When I went to University High School by my own request, I got a real wakeup call because I was inferior to everyone else. I was bound to serve them, not them to serve me, because I was so humble and inferior. While I was brighter academically, and would gladly help other students with their work, I felt it was my honor or God-given duty because I was inferior to them in so many other areas. I would trade academic brightness for the ability to get laid any day of the week. I hope I have unequivocally proven how bad neurodiversity is and how it is our duty as autistic people to conform for the betterment of society and not the other way around.


BREAKING NEWS: The 9th Circuit has just stayed gay marriage. Whoop dee doo! What a victory! For once, the 9th Circuit (which includes Judge Canby and Judge Pregerson) has shown that it's not completely liberal and has shown Judge Walker what a judicial activist he really is.

Autistic And Intellectually Disabled

Things like going to college, getting a job, driving a car, and having sex are taken for granted by most people. However, I can do none of those, as I am autistic and intellectually disabled. I did manage to graduate high school, albeit after 4 1/2 years because I was too intellectually disabled to graduate at 17, and I ended up leaving a normal school midway through the year because I couldn't handle it intelectually. I applied to work at In-N-Out, however I was rejected due to my intellectual disability. I cannot take care of myself, and shouldn't be left alone. I had long rejected having "special needs," but now it seems that is inevitable and I must relegate myself to a lower rung. I understand what neurodiversity would say, however I cannot suffice without a cure. Thankfully, that cure is chelation. I learned about it from John Best last year, and while I have yet to test it on myself, I know what miracles it can work. Don't get me wrong: I'd like to succeed without a cure, but that ain't gonna happen. Going to a normal school last year really gave me a wakeup call, and made me realize that I am indeed inferior to the rest of the world. Before that, I thought I could do anything despite being autistic. How wrong I was. When it came to the point that I couldn't even speak in normal school, I had to withdraw midway through the year. It was a mistake to have gone in the first place. Although I do have a high school diploma, it is hard to find a job with just that, and I cannot attend college due to my intellectual disability. Therefore, a cure is the only option. I hope to commence curing myself next month, and I still hold a glimmer of hope that I will succeed in spite of my autism, but that is seeming less and less realistic as time goes by. Sometimes I wonder why I entered this world, as there is so much hatemongering here I don't know if I can take it. Anyway, my days are probably numbered, but we'll see how comment moderation works first. I didn't want to put it back on, but I was being constantly ridiculed so I had no choice. For those whom say I have come a long way, they are wrong. I have regressed so much over the past year, it's not even funny. My self-esteem has gone way down, as has my self-worth. While a cure would fix that, I am resistant to drugs because of Big Pharma. Thankfully, a cure wouldn't have that connotation, but its mere association with drugs would turn me off of it. I am trying to succeed, but it is impossible, and I don't need neurodiversity telling me it is because they're wrong. They have never been in my shoes and thus don't know what it's like to be me. They can say they're "autistic," but that really doesn't mean shit in this circumstance as people are very different, even autistic people. Anyway, while I may succeed, my prospects are dim. Please pray for my recovery, as well as my cure of autism. Also, if you have the chance, please oppose neurodiversity as well, as they aren't what they seem. God has a plan for me, and right now that plan seems to ride me into the ground. I'm here to change that. There are so many more things I can't do. I can't go to raves, and can barely even go to concerts. I can't do drugs, and I can't drink beer. I can go to baseball games, but only in a superficial sense. Aside from occassionally taking the bus, I never leave my house. That is the life of an autistic person. Don't make it be yours.

A Very Sad Day

Well, some wacko liberal judge up in San Francisco (although apparently the elder Bush appointed him), has decided to rule Proposition 8 unconstitutional, marking an end of morality in California. The case will be appealed to the 9th Circuit followed by the Supreme Court. While the 9th Circuit (which my grampaw sits on), is so liberal it probably won't even grant a stay, the Supreme Court is rather conservative, with Justice Kennedy most likely being the swing vote on this issue. I have faith that he will stick to his morals and vote the right way, but something tells me he won't do that with the overall liberalness of this country. This is why we must vote Obama out of office in 2012, because if just one conservative justice dies or retires, he will appoint a staunch liberal who will likely declare all bans on gay marriage unconstitutional and not just Proposition 8. Learning social morals doesn't come naturally to autistic people, and the government isn't doing a very good job of teaching them right now. The power is in the hands of you, the people. Use your power to vote Obama out of office. Say you oppose gay marriage and the world will listen. Our country is slowly falling apart one by one, and it's up to you to put it back together.



"Man shall not lie with man as he does with woman. It is abomination."

-Leviticus 18:22